What to do if you and your friends like the same person
What to Do If You and Your Friends Like The Same Person
Ah, that lovely, tingly feeling you get when you finally meet someone that you’re attracted to. There’s really nothing like the sensation of developing a new crush, is there? It’s so exciting. The possibilities are endless. Maybe that person is The One! You can’t wait to start a rapport.
You also can’t wait to tell your best friend about it. And hey, he has a crush too. What great timing. Until you figure out the bad news: your crush is the same person.
Now what? Damn that bro code. So, just what should you?
Don’t panic or argue. Calmly and objectively go over the facts and important points to consider:
Image via: buzzle.com
– Do you know if she is available, and into one of you?
If she’s not available, you’re off the hook anyway.
If she’s single and into one of you, there’s not much to debate. The friend she has feelings for gets the chance.
If you don’t know how she feels, you might want to consider these points below before making your first move:
– Which one of you is more serious about this?
Ideally, the person who’s more emotionally invested should get the first chance over the person who’s attraction is purely sexual. Let’s face it: it’s easier to find someone you’re solely sexually attracted to than finding someone you connect with on an emotional level.
– How is your friend acting about this: is their respect/love for you obvious?
A lot of quarrels occurred in the history of friendships because two people were interested in the same person. But you don’t need to upset anyone. Take a deep breath, and consider your friend’s feelings before you open your mouth.
– How good friends are you?
When my uncle was in high school, he and his friend had a crush on the same girl. Being the great guy he is, my uncle backed off, even though the girl was openly interested in him, and not his friend.
My uncle is married with a kid now, and neither the girl nor the guy has been in his life after school.
So he probably wouldn’t have lost anything by going after the girl after having an honest talk with the friend. Both posts of Lovepanky and Marcella Purnama offer similar tips, including talking things out with your friend.
– What if she is your friend too?
The situation gets more complicated if the girl you are interested in is a friend.
If she’s your mutual friend, you are both likely in the friend zone. So you will need some help getting out.
In case you aren’t familiar with the term, friend zone basically means that you’re seen only as a friend, and not a potential date. ScreenJunkies’ hilarious honest trailer identifies Game of Thrones’ Jorah (Daenerys’ loyal right hand) as Lord Friendzone.
Although it’s not always as simple as described in this Psychology Today article, it happens to the best of us.
I’ve been there, and it wasn’t fun. Maybe we weren’t initially intensely attracted to this new person we met. The feelings grew as we got to know them. But because we never flirted and provided friendship needs (probably because that’s only what we needed at first), we got stuck there. If that’s the case, the article provides some helpful tips on how to get out of the zone, including making yourself scarce and being rewarding.
– If she’s not already your friend, it doesn’t mean she won’t still put you in the dreaded friend zone. So be careful.
Even if she’s not your friend, there’s a chance she will see you as a friend, depending on how you approach her. Tips from above apply. Be nice and charming, but don’t give it your all unconditionally. You might also stop by this Men’s Health article before replying to any of her texts.
– If the first “approacher” gets rejected, talk about how to proceed.
As Nick Notas articulately explains in his blog post 2 Friends One Girl, bro code is fine unless you abuse it. You can’t call dibs on every pretty girl you meet. Firstly, you’re not in 8th grade. Secondly, you definitely need to consider the girl’s feelings. She’s the one with a choice to make, should she be interested.
– What if she doesn’t like either of you
Well, as Joey from Friends would say, then it’s a moo point.
Unless your favorite romantic movie is 500 Days of Summer, and I hope it isn’t, it will serve both you and your friend well to move on and meet other girls who might be equally into you.
Not only will it save you time and unnecessary heartache, but it will also prevent the awkward conversations between two best friends.
– Don’t be a jerk about it.
And whatever you do, don’t just approach the girl out of some of competitive feeling, rather than genuine emotion and chemistry.
And don’t worry. It happens less often as you grow older and more mature. Dating expert and blogger Nick Notas says: “Honestly, I haven’t had many clients or fans who struggled with this. In fact, I can only remember a few. The ones who have, are usually of younger age 18-24 (high school and college).”
These are our tips on how to handle this complicated situation. Has it ever happened to you? How did you handle it?