You’re in a new relationship. Please, don’t do the following to your friend
We all have that friend. The one that used to drunk call us at 12h30 am for no obvious reason. He was simply near and wanted to say “Hi” or have “one” last beer. He was pretty awesome even though sometimes his over excitement could have been misinterpreted for an aching loneliness and a constant desire of being surrounded with people. No matter what were the reasons, this guy was the type of guy you knew you could call at any moment and create long lasting memories. He was the glue that kept your friends together, the Barney Stinson of your life.
Then it happened. He met a girl. Maybe the one, maybe not, only time will tell, but that’s not the point. She is a cool girl, he is having a lot (hopefully) of great sex (apparently) and he is always. You keep on wondering why because every time you see him, you notice an increase in his body mass, especially the fat part. He wears sweat pants more than he wants to admit it. When you guys hit the bar, he stops after two pints because he says he has a big day tomorrow.
As time flies by, his apparitions and his calls are more and more sporadic. You even surprised yourself calling him at 12h30 am and you were even more surprised by his answer: “Dude, it’s 12h30am, I’m sleeping… had a chill night with the girl.” Are you losing your best friend to his new relationship?
What happened, you may ask?
You friend is currently falling into the relationship vortex. It’s sucking the life out of him, and you’re just there watching… powerless. The issue is that it’s super unhealthy for him and for his relations in general. As much as he likes to be in constant fusion with his girl, at some point, it’s going to explode, and when it’ll explode, he’ll find out that he neglected all of his other relations. He’ll feel alone, depressed and will have no one to rely on. Maybe he’ll call you at 1am again, but it won’t be as fun as it used to be.
It is super important, even imperative to take care of your other relationships, even though you think you have met the love of your life. Your family and your friends are there to support you, listen to you and to have fun with you. They’re the ones that will be there if everything falls down. We all need some loose time once in a while and, your friends need you as well.
Here are a few tricks you may want to try if ever that happens to one of you or one of your friends!
1- Call instead of texting.
I know… who still use their phone to call people? It may sound weird, but that’s your phone primary purpose. Use it. Emotions and intentions can’t hardly be figured out over text messages or Facebook pokes.
2- Don’t ask, but propose.
It’s a little more easy to say yes if you already have a plan. If you just call and say “Wanna chill?”, the next question that inevitably follows is “What do you want to do?”. If you have nothing planned, you’ve already failed.
3- Drop by if you’re near.
I don’t know what it is with people and surprises, but this is something that doesn’t happen anymore. A random friend knocking on your door just to say hi. I miss it.
4- Invite his girlfriend too.
Maybe she’ll come, maybe she won’t, but certainly she’ll feel included and she’ll probably pressure your friend to go out. Be close to your friends, but closer to your enemy.
5- Be there when he needs it.
Maybe he didn’t call as much as you would have wanted, maybe he wasn’t there for you as much as you have wanted, but don’t hold a grudge against him. If he finally calls you, it’s because he remembers you as a friend and still think he can count on you.
As I said, we all have a friend that does this. He disappears the moment he starts a new relationship. While being cosy with the girl is amazing for obvious reasons, friends are an important part of your life. Don’t let the relationship vortex get your friends. Don’t let the relationship vortex get you.